There’s some high quality meta going around about lots of under appreciated women in ASOIAF who we just don’t know much about. Take literally anything written about Joanna Lannister ever by @joannalannister for instance. There’s not a whole lot to go on about Alannys Harlaw though. We don’t have much to go on – Theon rarely thinks about her and even Asha doesn’t talk much about her relationship with Alannys. But from what little we do know (and some good old fashioned head canon), here is my picture on what she was like and how her life turned out. Trigger warnings for discussions of physical abuse, including spousal abuse.
– She, her brother, and her sister got along but weren’t particularly close. That is to say – they enjoyed each other’s company and cared about each other, but they weren’t exactly the best of friends. Rodrik seems to spend most of his time talking about her when he wants to convince Asha not to go to the kingsmoot and Gwynesse mostly talks about her rights to Ten Towers.
– I think @goodqueenaly is right when she suggests Alannys was married off to Balon because Quellon hoped Rodrik’s sister would be able to bring more progressive ideas into their marriage (and hopefully be on board with his reforms) (And PS – if you’re not following her, do. She ALSO writes great meta about under appreciated ladies). I also tend to think she and Balon were married rather young since during the Greyjoy Rebellion they had two sons who seemed to be grown men when they died. Westeros considers a grown man at 16 so I’m going to say Rodrik was 17 and Maron was 16. So let’s say Alannys and Balon were married at 17, the same year Balon became captain of a longship, that’s a nice milestone.
– I don’t think Quellon’s plan worked. I think Alannys was squarely in Balon’s corner in the Ironborn culture war. For both political reasons (if Balon becomes a king, she’d be a queen and their children would be princes and princesses) and personal reasons (I suspect the Old Way spoke more to the strong and proud Alannys – perhaps not as much as it did to Balon, but more than Quellon’s ideas did). I don’t see Alannys as anywhere near as bookish and interested in greenland thoughts as her brother. Quellon probably ended up sorely disappointed – as did Alannys when she realized why Quellon arranged their match.
– From the scant descriptions we have of Alannys, we get ‘strong’, ‘proud’ and ‘fierce’ with ‘laughter in her eyes’. I think a lot of posts about Alannys focus on what she is now – a woman brokenhearted over the loss of her children, and that is fair. But there’s more to Alannys than that. This is the woman who ‘raised Asha to be bold’. I think Asha’s probably bolder than Alannys was, since Theon never thinks of her the way Asha did, but I do think she was more headstrong than the traditional Westerosi ideal lady. I see Alannys as someone who didn’t do things halfway. If she was happy, she was happy. If she was angry, she was angry.
– Her and Balon’s relationship was tumultuous to say the very barest minimum. When things were good, they were good. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say they were ever really in love, but I do think they were more or less on the same page and capable of enjoying each other’s company. But when things were bad, they were BAD. I imagine Balon got into quite a few furious arguments with his family (his dad, his stepmom, Euron, Aeron and Urri when they were being Aeron and Urri) and his wife was no exception. For her part, Alannys gave as good as she got – she was stubborn, fierce, and bold, you could not yell at her without her yelling back. There were days she would have killed him in his sleep and happily faced execution for it, and I do think there were days where one or the other laid hands on their spouse. So, yes, their relationship, much like a lot of Balon’s, was a big mess. I do think she cared at least a little about him when he died though – enough that she was convinced it was murder and would tell anyone who asked about it, even on days where she wasn’t as lucid.
– I think she got along with Aeron (and probably Urrigon) and Victarion, just because I don’t see them fighting a lot (and Aeron doesn’t seem to harbour her any ill will when he tells Theon she’s at Ten Towers). She probably rolled her eyes at Aeron and Urri’s antics when they were younger and let Balon deal with it. They’re not HER little brothers making fools of herself. Euron on the other hand….I think most people could tell he was weird and off and I don’t think Alannys was an exception (though obviously nobody knew how bad he was until later, obviously, except Aeron). She probably kept her distance from him.
– As for Quellon, I don’t think she particularly hated him, but his obvious disappointment in her lack of support for his reforms probably kept them from warming up to each other. I don’t think they got along and so Alannys kept her children at a distance as well (which is why Theon and Asha never think much about their Grandfather). The person I think she REALLY disdained was his Piper wife. I can’t imagine the new Lady Greyjoy much enjoyed Pyke. It’s cold, bleak, and broke, especially compared to Pinkmaiden. I can see Alannys, a woman of relative action, growing annoyed VERY quickly. She probably kept her children away from her too and quietly (or not so quietly) was pleased when Balon ascended to his seat and his Piper stepmother fell from favour.
– I think Alannys loved all her children, but Theon was the one she was the closest too. He was her youngest, her baby boy, and he was so shy. I’m sure she was probably involved in raising her older two to be raiders, but Theon was only just learning when he was taken away and so she probably figured he’d grow out of his shyness.
– I think Asha’s always been closer to Balon than to Alannys, and I think Alannys has always had a sort of conflict regarding her daughter. She delighted in how bold Asha was and obviously wanted to encourage her, but at the same time she also knew she was ‘supposed’ to be teaching Asha how to be a lady. I think there were definite times when Asha was being stubborn and Alannys was torn on how to react – she ‘should’ be shaking her and ordering her to act like a lady, but all she wants to do is give her daughter a hug and say ‘good girl’. I think for the most part, she ‘looked the other way’ when her daughter was off doing things she ‘shouldn’t’ and then she’s shrug and say ‘Sorry, Lord Quellon, didn’t see it, couldn’t stop her’. And then go off and laugh at whatever Asha’d done.
– Speaking of Asha, I like to think she gets her snark from her mother. I think Alannys DEFINITELY sassed anybody who gave her a hard time, especially after she became the Lady of Pyke.
– After the Rebellion was over and her boys were gone, I think she and Balon were both broken up in different ways. I think Balon drank a lot and was particularly vicious when any chance of a raid came up (say, in the Stepstones). Meanwhile, for a long time, Alannys was just…numb. She couldn’t let herself feel anything because once those floodgates opened, EVERYTHING hit her at once. That numbness is probably when she began sleepwalking and searching for her boys. Both of them were haunted by their sons, that was for sure. I think they probably TRIED to have another baby, since Alannys was desperate for another son, but it didn’t happen. So they tried fostering and that didn’t work (and oh dear Drowned God, they were UNAMUSED when their maester caught Tristifer with Asha).
– Sure enough, once the floodgates were open, there was no shutting them up again. Alannys was completely desolated by the loss of her three boys. She got up looking for them, forgot they died, and even began mistaking people for them (and ow, I just had a very painful mental image of her mistaking Aeron for Rodrik). I tend to see her vacillating between fury and misery before she finally had a breakdown.
– Her sister had a similar breakdown after her husband died in the rebellion, so I’m wondering if Harlaws are predisposed to break down in reaction to grief? Her sister focused on wanting her rights back, and Alannys focused on her dead children.
– I don’t think she left until recently, when she contracted her cough. She was growing weaker, so Rodrik suggested to Balon that the more comfortable Harlaw might be better for her than Pyke, so they shipped her off. She’s been doing better – her cough comes and goes, but she’s eating more and is sleeping through the night and has days where she’s more lucid than others.